“This Little Light of Mine.” A familiar children’s song to a lot of us. I remember as a child, being at summer bible school and holding up my little index finger and singing the words proudly, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” The bible teacher told us, “Let your light shine bright for Jesus!” And then the verses to follow, “Hide it under a bushel? No! I’m gonna let it shine!” “Don’t let Satan blow it out! I’m gonna let it shine!” Ha. Literally thirty years later, I still remember every word.
A question that came to mind over recent weeks and days was something similar to this song, “Am I living for God? Am I speaking the words God gives me? Am I letting my light shine?” The short answer that I came up with was no. Even though I’ve been a believer for a long time and faith has been a fundamental part of my life, I was denying something inside of me.
You see, God has been lets say whispering or nudging me for over a year now. On February 12, 2020 I almost died and so did my husband. We survived a horrific event that I’ve just now gotten somewhat comfortable writing about, but just to put it plainly, I was faced with thinking, “This is it. My life is over. I will never see my children again, my husband or parents again. I’ll never do anything again. I am going to die.” I remember having those exact thoughts as a gun was pointed at my head, not once but twice. It was extreme chaos and trauma.
Obviously, I did not die that day and neither did my husband. We survived against all odds. We are wounded and have some deep scars that we are both working on healing, individually and as a couple, but we are here, we are alive. After that event God started telling me, “You need to write, you need to create.” Even people in my life, particularly my mom and my husband, were telling me this. Writing has always been something I have loved to do, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Shortly after the event, I tried to write a few times. A few sentences would come out, even a paragraph or two, but then nothing. I was forcing it, I wasn’t ready…I was dealing with shock and trauma of what we had been through. This was not the time to create.
I believe now, that God started telling me to write and create then because He knew it would take me awhile until I was ready. Look, God knows us better than we know ourselves. Scripture says He even knows the very number of hairs on our head, so of course He knew I would resist, push back and not want to listen for awhile. And to be honest, even before our traumatic event, God had been giving me inklings that this was the direction I needed to go. God is so patient though! He will wait and wait for as long as it takes, for us to listen and follow His lead.
And then recently I went though another challenging shift in life and then that still, small voice said again, “You need to write, you need to create.” But there was something more this time. God said what He has been saying, but He also said, “This is your purpose, don’t be afraid. Now is the right time.”
I went to my computer, sat there for a moment and then it happened. The words just started flowing. With little effort and no forcing, my story and what I’ve been wanting and needing to say started coming out as I quickly typed the words.
So the question may come to mind, why another faith based blog? Why another inspirational website? There’s a ton out there…do I really need to add another one? The answer is yes, I do. God wants us speak for Him. As believers, He calls us to speak up in the name of Christ. 1 Peter 3:15 says, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” God wants us to vocalize our faith and hope in Him. He does not want us to be silent.
I encourage you to think about what your light for God is. We all have one and each light looks a little different, and this light may come out in many different ways for each one of us. If God has been nudging you like He was me, don’t be afraid to listen. We are so good at doubting ourselves, we are truly our own worst critics. But God knows what we are capable of and He knows why He created each one of us. I challenge you to find your light and let it shine…it WILL be beautiful.
So this is my WHY of this website and this blog. The reason I am writing and creating is to “Let my light shine.” I’ve known since I was a small child and sang that song, this is what God wanted me to do. Now many years later I am finally listening.
-Thank you to my husband and mom for being encouraging voices in this creative journey I am on, and for my husband reminding me to find the WHY of my work. I love and appreciate you both.