My breath, a deep inhale for 4 seconds, a deep exhale for 6. My thoughts…they want to go wild, they want to rule me, but I have found a way to not let them… at least most days. There are days I still struggle, for sure, but I’ve learned I can’t beat myself up when I do. I am human. Be compassionate… to myself. Yes, this too is something I am working on. There’s my breath again, coming in and going out. My breath…just focus on my breath.
I have grown to appreciate my weakness, because it is in my weakness that I am strong. Does this appreciation mean I like my weakness? Oh no, quite the opposite, but I can be okay with it. I can be okay with it because 2 Corinthians tells us that our strength is made perfect in our weakness, and I trust that.
I’ve come to realize I am strong. My anxiety, when it visits, does not mean a lack of faith. It does not mean I am weak…God is always with me. The way through my anxiety is to accept it, to go into it. To resist anxiety, is only to give it more power, and increases my fear of it.
After all, there is nothing to fear. In fact, it’s in my most anxious moments that I have met God the most… that His presence has been the most powerful. Why should I fear this???
My breath, still coming in and out. There it is again. I’m always breathing, always taking in and letting out, but I’m often so unaware of it. My breath calms me, centers me, brings me back. Just come back to it.
The past does not equal the future. No, the present is all that matters. I am steady and solid in God no matter what is going on around me. He wants me to be in the present moment.
These thoughts that want to tell me the opposite of what I know to be true…I will take them captive, not the other way around. They are no longer allowed to run free and insanely wild. They are no longer allowed to rule my mood and frame of mind. They are no longer allowed to predict what kind of day I’ll have.
I control my mind; my mind does not control me.
I have come to fully understand through MUCH hard work, grit, and grime, that I am not defined by my anxiety, my worry, my triggers, my PTSD, my trauma, or my past. NO, I am defined by what I CHOOSE, and none of the things just named fit my criteria.
I define myself by what I am…
I am calm.
I am peaceful.
I am content.
I am happy and joyful.
I am blessed.
I am grateful.
I define myself by what I have…
I have God’s blessing and favor.
I have awareness of my mind and surroundings.
I have what it takes to conquer my fears.
I have the strength to do ANYTHING.
I have enough.
I have all the skills and talents I was intended to have.
I have not been forgotten.
My breath…in and out, in and out. A calm, centered, controlled mind is a demonstration of my faith in God. It is a demonstration of my inner strength. It is a demonstration of the hard work I have done.
And when my mind is not calm, centered and controlled, when it is frantic, worried, and fearful, I won’t self-judge, criticize or self-loath. No, my inner wisdom reminds me that this is a time for God to refine me even more. For in my weakness, I am strong…yes, the fire refines and refines and refines…
“Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.” I read this in my old, worn Bible, and I scribble it down in my journal. I close my eyes and say it.
My thoughts are captive. They work for me, not against me, and they do not rule me.
My breath…in and out, in and out. I am at peace. I have joy and contentment.
I write it, I say it and I believe it.